> Dave: Indulge species identity confusion.

[strideways]

[ Those in and out of Dave's room at the Otherhouse may have noticed that his entourage of Ninetales have been coddling a bright blue Squirtle egg. Still luckier individuals may have been around earlier today to witness the egg hatching, and the three Ninetales happily grooming their new friend.

Now some hours later, it has become apparent to Dave that there are certain... complications that may arise from allowing a baby Squirtle to imprint on a pack of full-grown Ninetales.

The feed comes on to the Squirtle, charging at a Ninetales on all fours. He's deflected with a flick of a tail, and goes scurrying over to another fox that's lounging on the floor nearby. She gives him a lick for his troubles, while the third one looks on from the safety of Dave's bunk.

As the Squirtle takes another run-up at his opponent, he growls and... barks.

Dave turns the camera on himself. ]

So this is the real-life story of Babe, Pig in the City, or some shit. My Squirtle thinks he's a baby Ninetales, which is about the cutest fucking thing I've ever seen get done. I'm sure they're gonna have a bunch of awkward conversations when he gets older.

'Mom, why do I only have one tail? Where's all my fur? The other kids made fun of my shell!'

He'll grow up thinking his 'dad' had an affair with a hot Blastoise. His two mommies just swept it under the rug; they don't like to talk about it because it means admitting they couldn't keep him satisfied between the two of them. They drink a lot, and their husband's never home. They just assume he's found himself a side of Venusaur ass or something.

[ The camera returns to the floor, where the Squirtle is being held firmly under the front paws of the lazy Ninetales on the rug, who's giving him a thorough bath. ]

I also got my breeder's license yesterday, which is pretty much awesome. I've basically got the potential for a metric fuckton of badass fire-breathing fluffmuppets and not much else right now. Guess I'll have to expand my breeding stock or something.

[ Swinging the 'Gear toward himself again, he moves to turn it off before he remembers something. ]

His name is Kanye, by the way. Thanks, Fef.

[ ooc; action for Otherhouse residents welcome! he's just in his room. switch from trainer to breeder was okayed by the mods. ♥ ]

Comments

we should just always use these two icons and nothing else for them ever

[strideways]

Reason being that you wanted to strut your stuff to me, I get it. Too bad you failed to impress; we could've had a real hot thing going.

yeah pretty much

[commune]

Yes, well, the stuff that you are strutting is not an impressive manner of display, either!

at least for the rest of this thread

[strideways]

Fucking please. These are prime fucking peacock feathers right here, all iridescent and blue-green up in your shit, tickling the secret fucking fancies of all those who lay eyes on them. You can't even tear yourself away from my breathtaking fucking bird tail, dude, you're fucking mesmerized, eyes all glassy, mouth open and this slow drizzle of saliva puddling on the ground as a testament to your awe.

This is the finest shit I'm strutting here, and your eyeballs glued to my ass is proof positive.

accurate

[commune]

My look stubs and your sitting parts are not in any way connected, at least, not that I know about, and if they are then, uhh, I don't want to know about it, because, it's just awful. It is just awful, Dave, and you are also awful, if I can say that, because, it's true.

[strideways]

[ Slowly, Dave licks the tip of his finger and makes a tally mark in the air — diagonally. ]

Strider, five-hundred twenty-five.

Wanna take a wild guess at how many points you've racked up since your first pathetic attempt?

[commune]

Probably, if I can guess, not a lot of them, since, I am most likely really terrible at this bizarre human courtship ritual that is being played constantly by all of you, but especially you. Uhh, but that is basically a fact that doesn't bother me, at all, since, I don't really want to be good at this particular thing.













[ ... ]

... how many is it?

[strideways]

Fucking zero.

[ Dave's not counting the time Tavros got to laugh at him for falling off his flaming unicorn. ]

[commune]

Oh.

[ that, and when he one-upped him as hard as universally possible by taming the flaming unicorn himself. really dave. ]

Yes, well, that's fine, I guess. You can keep your Earth creeper points and, uhh, the things that that entails, and meanwhile I will be impervious to your advances, in, this corner over here.

[ /RESOLUTE ]

[strideways]

[ what, like Dave's just gonna give him points? nah, man. ]

Impervious, my ass.

[commune]

[ give him points like he gave him his failed attempt at being a cowboy. ]

Pleaseeee, stop talking about your, uhh, your hindquarters all the time, it's really embarrassing.

[strideways]

[ Dave actually turns the 'Gear away, but Tavros can probably still hear muffled laughter. After a moment or two, he turns it back to himself, pokerfaced. ]

What's embarrassing is how ungodly fucking easy it is to unsettle your shit, Legs McWalken. You're easier than Ampora was, and if I was an even bigger dick than I am, I'd fake date you, too, just to put the cherry on the giant fucking troll sundae.

Oh, shit, sorry. I said 'dick.' Was that too embarrassing for you?

[commune]

No... [ geez. ] I just, I don't understand what even is the point of doing that, other than for trolling, which, typically in my experience is a thing that always causes trolling to be done back at me, such as perhaps this situation, for example, so, it just doesn't seem like a worthwhile thing to do.

And also, uhh, pretend quadrants is just mean. Like actual mean and not just the joke kind of mean that you sometimes are.

[strideways]

Yeah, well, I was playing to fucking win with that douchebag.

[ Sounding a little irritated; you'd be smart to change the subject, Tavros— ]

[commune]

[ (unsure) ]

But you're not, I guess, seeking a merciless victory in my case.

[strideways]

[ but not like that.

If it weren't for the shades, you could see his 'why the fuck would you say that' expression. ]

Not yet, I'm not. Trust me, you'll fucking know.

wait no i broke the chain fuck that

[commune]

[ he may not be a genius about other people, but he can tell when there's a nerve, and he thinks he might be prodding at it, whether he understands what that's all about or not. flounders for a moment, then grins a shaky grin in an attempt to break the tension. ]

Okay, well, then, good, because you talking about your ass, hehe, at me is uhh, something considerably more tolerable than what that other thing would probably be.

i almost did that like eight times already

[strideways]

My ass is considerably more tolerable than a lot of things. Including yours.

[ Yep, just eeeeasing off the sharp tones here. Totally chill. ]

[commune]

[ excellent. also he is sparing himself a cursory downward glance, frowning. ]

Mine? Well, uh, it doesn't really do anything, so yes.

[strideways]

Excuses, excuses. When's the last time you even saw your ass? How would you even know what it looks like?

[commune]

I haven't really made a point of... looking at it... uhh, ever, really.

[strideways]

Case in point.

[ What case? What point, Dave?

The world may never know. ]

[commune]

What is-- no, uhh, you know, actually, never mind. Why is this even a thing that's being talked about?

[strideways]

Because you're so pathetically easy to troll, dude. All I have to do is bring the conversation back around to your ass, or my ass, or my dick, or your ass and my dick, or gay marriage or threesomes or body shots—

[ Feel free to interrupt him anytime, Tavros. ]

[commune]

[ OH MY GOD

HANGS UP

BLOCKS HIM!!!!!!!! ]