strideways | > Dave: Indulge species identity confusion.

[ Those in and out of Dave's room at the Otherhouse may have noticed that his entourage of Ninetales have been coddling a bright blue Squirtle egg. Still luckier individuals may have been around earlier today to witness the egg hatching, and the three Ninetales happily grooming their new friend.

Now some hours later, it has become apparent to Dave that there are certain... complications that may arise from allowing a baby Squirtle to imprint on a pack of full-grown Ninetales.

The feed comes on to the Squirtle, charging at a Ninetales on all fours. He's deflected with a flick of a tail, and goes scurrying over to another fox that's lounging on the floor nearby. She gives him a lick for his troubles, while the third one looks on from the safety of Dave's bunk.

As the Squirtle takes another run-up at his opponent, he growls and... barks.

Dave turns the camera on himself. ]

So this is the real-life story of Babe, Pig in the City, or some shit. My Squirtle thinks he's a baby Ninetales, which is about the cutest fucking thing I've ever seen get done. I'm sure they're gonna have a bunch of awkward conversations when he gets older.

'Mom, why do I only have one tail? Where's all my fur? The other kids made fun of my shell!'

He'll grow up thinking his 'dad' had an affair with a hot Blastoise. His two mommies just swept it under the rug; they don't like to talk about it because it means admitting they couldn't keep him satisfied between the two of them. They drink a lot, and their husband's never home. They just assume he's found himself a side of Venusaur ass or something.

[ The camera returns to the floor, where the Squirtle is being held firmly under the front paws of the lazy Ninetales on the rug, who's giving him a thorough bath. ]

I also got my breeder's license yesterday, which is pretty much awesome. I've basically got the potential for a metric fuckton of badass fire-breathing fluffmuppets and not much else right now. Guess I'll have to expand my breeding stock or something.

[ Swinging the 'Gear toward himself again, he moves to turn it off before he remembers something. ]

His name is Kanye, by the way. Thanks, Fef.

[ ooc; action for Otherhouse residents welcome! he's just in his room. switch from trainer to breeder was okayed by the mods. ♥ ]

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[Dave, you're a horrible person. Vriska will be none the wiser.]

Okay. We'll do this married thing, then. Then we'll be splitting all our profits for sure, right?

[She's got priorities here.]

Whoops, gotta draw up a prenup. If we get unmarried, I get all the kids.

[ Dave's grabbing his 'Gear and his coat. He's gonna have to go to the store for some Ring Pops. ]

A what up? Fine, you can have the kids and do your human parenting thing. I'll go off an pillage and plunder while you look after the brats.

[This could work out after all.]

We're gonna shake on that. I don't trust you as far as I can throw your baby beluga ass. Meet me in our room in ten.

[ And then he cuts the video and tucks his 'Gear away, heading out of the house to the nearest store. There, he purchases a pair of Ring Pops (blue raspberry and cherry), and on the way back to the house, he scribbles up a 'contract' in the Paint program on his 'Gear. It reads something like this:

if vriska 'huge 8itch' serket and dave mufasa strider iii ever get unmarried dave totally gets all the kids
ps kids means eggs and baby pokemon
because serkets an unfit mother by way of being a scurvaceous pirate chick whod trade off her babies for a quick buck

sign this shit
x___________________
x___________________

no welshing

By the time he's pushing open the door of their room upstairs (and glancing surreptitiously around to make sure no one else is there), he's ready to get married. ]

[Whatever. Vriska rolls her eyes, and sets her Pokégear down beside her. She's already in the room, so she watches Dave as he comes on. She still doesn't know what this married business is, or even if this is some weird ironic joke anymore, but she's rolling with it.

Besides, if Dave tries any of that weird human mating on her, she's out. He won't even know what hit him.]

[ He holds out his 'Gear to her, the hastily-scribbled Paint document still pulled up. ]

Slap your Hancock on there and our knot's as good as tied.

[What in Alternia's name did you just say Strider? After a second of staring she takes the Gear and signs her name. She at least understood that much.]

There!

[ Dave signs it himself and saves the file (he'll inevitably need it later to prove to John that they're married), then puts his 'Gear away.

Kneeling in front of Vriska, he holds up the blue Ring Pop, package opened and candy peeking out. ]

Marry me, Serket.

> Dave: Indulge species identity confusion.

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