strideways | > Dave: Indulge species identity confusion.

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> Dave: Indulge species identity confusion.

[ Those in and out of Dave's room at the Otherhouse may have noticed that his entourage of Ninetales have been coddling a bright blue Squirtle egg. Still luckier individuals may have been around earlier today to witness the egg hatching, and the three Ninetales happily grooming their new friend.

Now some hours later, it has become apparent to Dave that there are certain... complications that may arise from allowing a baby Squirtle to imprint on a pack of full-grown Ninetales.

The feed comes on to the Squirtle, charging at a Ninetales on all fours. He's deflected with a flick of a tail, and goes scurrying over to another fox that's lounging on the floor nearby. She gives him a lick for his troubles, while the third one looks on from the safety of Dave's bunk.

As the Squirtle takes another run-up at his opponent, he growls and... barks.

Dave turns the camera on himself. ]

So this is the real-life story of Babe, Pig in the City, or some shit. My Squirtle thinks he's a baby Ninetales, which is about the cutest fucking thing I've ever seen get done. I'm sure they're gonna have a bunch of awkward conversations when he gets older.

'Mom, why do I only have one tail? Where's all my fur? The other kids made fun of my shell!'

He'll grow up thinking his 'dad' had an affair with a hot Blastoise. His two mommies just swept it under the rug; they don't like to talk about it because it means admitting they couldn't keep him satisfied between the two of them. They drink a lot, and their husband's never home. They just assume he's found himself a side of Venusaur ass or something.

[ The camera returns to the floor, where the Squirtle is being held firmly under the front paws of the lazy Ninetales on the rug, who's giving him a thorough bath. ]

I also got my breeder's license yesterday, which is pretty much awesome. I've basically got the potential for a metric fuckton of badass fire-breathing fluffmuppets and not much else right now. Guess I'll have to expand my breeding stock or something.

[ Swinging the 'Gear toward himself again, he moves to turn it off before he remembers something. ]

His name is Kanye, by the way. Thanks, Fef.

[ ooc; action for Otherhouse residents welcome! he's just in his room. switch from trainer to breeder was okayed by the mods. ♥ ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Yep. Figured I might as well; I'm way too fucking lazy to do this gym challenge bullshit.

Aw, hehe, but, uhh, it's pretty fun, the challenge stuff. But, yes, also a lot of hard work, that was a thing I also noticed about it.

Way too much traveling. I could sit my ass down in one place and breed 'til the fucking cows come home, but if I wanna collect badges, I gotta trudge through rain and sleet and snow and shit. Uh-uh. Ain't happening.

So, uhh, you're not going to ever leave Goldenrod, either?

[ Wait, does that mean Tavros plans to stay here? Dave might have to rethink this plan. ]

Uh, dunno. Pretty sure John plans on hauling my princess ass outta here before springtime; they've been making noises about moving on, so.

[ he might. and he might not. ]

Oh, huh, so even them, too. I think that possibly Feferi might be the only one staying? I was hoping that she would have some company, uhh, if that's a thing that ends up happening.

Doesn't she have a weird troll boyfriend or whatever? He leaving, too?

[ Because seriously, what kind of dick leaves a chick like Feferi behind? ]

Uhh, sort of, but, I mean, he went to the Kanto place when that was a thing that people were going to, and, me and Feferi were the ones that didn't do that, so I guess I would suspect that that would be a thing again.

[ he can be her hero instead. (nottalking) ]

All I'm saying is, if I'm dating a chick that hot, I'm not leaving her anywhere near a guy like me and taking off across the fucking country or whatever.

I guess the thing is that you could possibly be trusted not to be roguish in that kind of way. [ >8O ] Which, uhh, if I can say, is a kind of a terrible assumption to have been making, in, my opinion...

[ Snort. ]

Kind of a really terrible assumption to be making, not gonna lie. I'd be glad to keep her company if her boyfriend ain't gonna. It's a damn shame for a girl like her to be alone for long.

As long as you don't subject Feferi to, uhh, I guess what could be called suggestions of a dubious nature, because she is far too not deserving of hideous treatment such as that kind!

You assume 'dubious' and 'hideous' are the same thing. They're totally not.

They most definitely, totally, are.

Bullshit. You'd love the dubious shit I could do to you if I were a little more flagrantly queer.

Oh, no, uhh, we are not going into the topic that is about me again. This thing that we're discussing is about Feferi, and previously before that it was about traveling, and before that it was about breeding, and so, uhh, you can pick one of those things that I just listed, and we can talk about that, instead of about me, and any dubious things you have in your think pan on the matter that is, uhh, me, too.

[ A pained look. ]

Could you at least try to make it a little more challenging to freak your shit out? All I've gotta do is put on a little glitter and blow you a kiss and you're over there flipping crazy alien tentacle dicks.

Ew, what, no, stop.

[ he wasn't born with the ability to can, reaching a state of can't is basically his default. ]

I don't even understand why that has to be a thing, the freaking me out for absolutely no reason other than that possibly you derive some kind of, um, weird human enjoyment out of it.

You do remember you were the one who started it, right? You trolled me first, babycakes. I'm just keeping the ball rolling.

Well, no, yes, but there was a reason for that, in theory...

[ okay he can't really argue with that. ]

Reason being that you wanted to strut your stuff to me, I get it. Too bad you failed to impress; we could've had a real hot thing going.

Yes, well, the stuff that you are strutting is not an impressive manner of display, either!

Fucking please. These are prime fucking peacock feathers right here, all iridescent and blue-green up in your shit, tickling the secret fucking fancies of all those who lay eyes on them. You can't even tear yourself away from my breathtaking fucking bird tail, dude, you're fucking mesmerized, eyes all glassy, mouth open and this slow drizzle of saliva puddling on the ground as a testament to your awe.

This is the finest shit I'm strutting here, and your eyeballs glued to my ass is proof positive.

My look stubs and your sitting parts are not in any way connected, at least, not that I know about, and if they are then, uhh, I don't want to know about it, because, it's just awful. It is just awful, Dave, and you are also awful, if I can say that, because, it's true.

[ Slowly, Dave licks the tip of his finger and makes a tally mark in the air — diagonally. ]

Strider, five-hundred twenty-five.

Wanna take a wild guess at how many points you've racked up since your first pathetic attempt?

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we should just always use these two icons and nothing else for them ever

yeah pretty much

at least for the rest of this thread

accurate

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